This is what I think about on my birthday.

So. My birthday was yesterday. And I know birthday's are supposed to be joyous, happy occasions... but I happened to be a little down both the day before my birthday and the actual day of my birth. Which actually doesn't really make any sense because I had a great breakfast with my dad and brother in the morning (cheddar and roast beef omelettes... mmm!), a beautiful lunch with beautiful friends and a beautiful cupcake that left me a little bit too full (a cobb salad and Gigi's... Mmmm!), and a quiet dinner with my mom and dad and brother (corkscrew pasta with homemade marinara sauce, italian sausage, and homemade garlic bread... MMM!). I also received a surprise bouquet of the most beautiful tropical flowers. So WHAT do I have to complain about, right? Somehow I still managed to take a small mishap and turn it into a depressing afternoon of journaling. Lame, right?


WRONG. Here's the important part: I didn't mope and look inwardly and hope everything would get better. I opened my Bible and began to read. Lately I've been making my way through Psalms, and yesterday afternoon my fingers turned backwards a few pages and found Psalm 35. And then I wrote this:

11 October 2011

There is a very specific type of pain associated with disappointment. It’s not a physical pain, but it’s a pain nonetheless. It’s an aching, lingering, never-quite-disappearing-only-fading kind of pain. And right in this moment, I feel heavily drenched with a torrential downpour of this very uncomfortable kind of pain.

Here’s what I think. I think that this is a classic case of letting the devil get the best of me. It’s definitely his work… I feel so lonely, so sad, so upset about something that I shouldn’t be that upset about. It’s like every sad thought or memory that I have had in my life ever is being released on me today. I wish I could turn the whole thing around and somehow imbue myself with the exact opposite of every emotion that I’m feeling.

IT’S MY FREAKING BIRTHDAY! GIVE ME A BREAK!

I’m so glad that God gave us the Bible though. So, so, so, so glad. Can we just think about these verses? Together? I would love to hear what you all get out of them.

Psalm 35:19-28

“Let not those who gloat over me who are my enemies without cause; let not those who hate me without reason maliciously wink the eye.

They do not speak peaceably, but devise false accusations against those who live quietly in the land.

They gape at me and say ‘Aha! Aha! With our own eyes we have seen it.’

O Lord, you have seen this; be not silent. Do not be far from me, O Lord.

Awake, and rise to my defense! Contend for me, my God and Lord.

Vindicate me in your righteousness, O Lord my God; do not let them gloat over me.

Do not let them think ‘Aha, just what we wanted!’ or say ‘We have swallowed him up.’

May all who gloat over my distress be put to shame and confusion; may all who exalt themselves over me be clothed with shame and disgrace.

May those who delight in my vindication shout for joy and gladness; may they always say, ‘The Lord be exalted, who delights in the well-being of his servant.’

My tongue will speak of your righteousness and of your praises all day long."

Reading these verses right now fills my heart with hope. This King David guy knew EXACTLY what I’m feeling right now, I think. Thanks, Dave, for putting it all in perspective.

I hope it's okay that I called him Dave... I feel like I know him though. Is that weird?

And for those of you that don't want to get older... I can empathize compeletely with you. But remember this: your journey with God is never, ever finished. There is always going to be another layer to peel back, another emotional hurdle that you'll have to sift through and then hand over to Him. But when you actually believe in the power of the Word of God, when you seek meaning in each and every line and verse, when you think about what David meant when he said those things... Man, oh, man. Nothing is the same. So this journey that never ends, although it may not be our favorite physically; remember that you always have something to look forward to spiritually.

Mmmm... that one verse up there "May those who delight in my vindication shout for joy and gladness; may they always say 'The Lord be exalted, who delights in the well-being of his servant.' My tongue will speak of your righteousness and of your praises all day long."

Shout for joy! We all deserve it. Every single day.